One of my favorite features of the internet is predictive searches. Sometimes I put in random beginnings just to find funny endings, such as “why does my butt…” or “is it weird that i can…”
But today, we’re putting it to a practical use: Finding out what the people of the internet most want to know about Mormons and answering their questions. This was fun for me to write and I hope it is fun (and informative?) for you to read. My answers are very concise and incomplete, but I am happy to answer any questions you may have. Also, mormon.org and the LDS Newsroom are wonderfully informative and helpful (and official!) resources.
1. Why are Mormons so…
- …rich? Because we believe in hard work and provident living.
- …happy? Because of intact families, strong communities, and hope in Jesus Christ.
- …successful? See above.
2. Why do Mormons…
- …wear garments? Because they represent very serious promises we have made.
- …love jello? Because it is an easy and cheap thing to bring to a potluck.
- …practice polygamy? We don’t anymore.
- …marry young? Because we like kids, believe in strong families, and don’t practice pre-marital sex.
3. Is it true that Mormons…
- …wear special underwear? Yes, in a matter of speaking.
- …practice polygamy? No, not anymore.
- …hate black people? No (excluding rare and exceptional losers who hate black people for reasons that have nothing to do with being Mormon).
4. Can a Mormon…
- …be a freemason? Yes.
- …be saved? That’s the idea.
- …date a Christian? Sure. But in all fairness, marrying a non-Mormon is always a bit sticky.
5. Do Mormon girls…
- …go on missions? Yes.
- …put out? Sometimes, but they’re not supposed to.
- …date non-Mormons? Sometimes, but it is usually at least somewhat frowned upon.
- …wear thongs? Sometimes, and it’s of no interest to anyone other than the wearer.
6. Do Mormon missionaries
- …fall in love? They’re instructed to “lock their heart”, but, sometimes, yes.
- …get paid? No.
- …have quota? No.
- …go door to door? Yes, oh yes.
7. How do Mormons…
- …have sex? Normally…I think.
- …baptize? By immersion by one holding the priesthood.
- …get to heaven? By faith, repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands.
- …dress? Some of us frumpy, some of us cute.
8. When can a Mormon…
- …date? 16.
- …enter the temple? At 12 to participate in certain ordinances. Mormons typically begin to participate in all of the ordinances sometime between their late teens and late 20’s.
- …kiss? There’s not a specific rule, but teenagers are discouraged from maintaining serious romantic relationships.
- …missionary call home? Christmas and Mother’s Day.
9. Does the Mormon church…
- …own Pepsi? No.
- …help non-Mormons? Yes.
- …own Albertsons? No.
- …allow blacks? Yes.
10. Where do Mormons…
- …live? All over the world.
- …come from? What?
- …believe Jesus was born? In Bethlehem.
- …get their money? From their employers, clients, investments, etc.
I invite any members of the church to amend my responses. Again, I am happy to answer any questions anyone may have as clearly as I can.
Also, let me know if you think this should become part of a series. (There are many ridiculous questions that need addressing.)
Want more? Take a look at Part 2.