Answering Google’s Questions About the Mormons (and Some of Yours Too) Part 1

One of my favorite features of the internet is predictive searches.  Sometimes I put in random beginnings just to find funny endings, such as “why does my butt…” or “is it weird that i can…”

Salt Lake Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA....

Salt Lake Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA. Taken by myself with a Canon 10D and 17-40mm f/4 L lens. This is a 3 segment panorama. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But today, we’re putting it to a practical use: Finding out what the people of the internet most want to know about Mormons and answering their questions.  This was fun for me to write and I hope it is fun (and informative?) for you to read.  My answers are very concise and incomplete, but I am happy to answer any questions you may have.  Also,  and the LDS Newsroom are wonderfully informative and helpful (and official!) resources.

1.  Why are Mormons so…

  • …rich? Because we believe in hard work and provident living.
  • …happy?  Because of intact families, strong communities, and hope in Jesus Christ.
  • …successful? See above.

2. Why do Mormons…

  • …wear garments?  Because they represent very serious promises we have made.
  • …love jello? Because it is an easy and cheap thing to bring to a potluck.
  • …practice polygamy?  We don’t anymore.
  • …marry young?  Because we like kids, believe in strong families, and don’t practice pre-marital sex.

3.  Is it true that Mormons…

  • …wear special underwear?  Yes, in a matter of speaking.
  • …practice polygamy?  No, not anymore.
  • …hate black people?  No (excluding rare and exceptional losers who hate black people for reasons that have nothing to do with being Mormon).

4. Can a Mormon…

  • …be a freemason?  Yes.
  • …be saved?  That’s the idea.
  • …date a Christian? Sure.  But in all fairness, marrying a non-Mormon is always a bit sticky.

5. Do Mormon girls…

  • …go on missions? Yes.
  • …put out? Sometimes, but they’re not supposed to.
  • …date non-Mormons?  Sometimes, but it is usually at least somewhat frowned upon.
  • …wear thongs? Sometimes, and it’s of no interest to anyone other than the wearer.

6. Do Mormon missionaries

  • …fall in love?  They’re instructed to “lock their heart”, but, sometimes, yes.
  • …get paid? No.
  • …have quota? No.
  • …go door to door? Yes, oh yes.

7. How do Mormons…

  • …have sex? Normally…I think.
  • baptize?  By immersion by one holding the priesthood.
  • …get to heaven? By faith, repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands.
  • …dress?  Some of us frumpy, some of us cute.

8. When can a Mormon…

  • …date? 16.
  • …enter the temple?  At 12 to participate in certain ordinances.  Mormons typically begin to participate in all of the ordinances sometime between their late teens and late 20’s.
  • …kiss?  There’s not a specific rule, but teenagers are discouraged from maintaining serious romantic relationships.
  • …missionary call home?  Christmas and Mother’s Day.

9. Does the Mormon church…

  • …own Pepsi? No.
  • …help non-Mormons? Yes.
  • …own Albertsons?  No.
  • …allow blacks?  Yes.

10.  Where do Mormons…

  • …live?  All over the world.
  • …come from? What?
  • …believe Jesus was born?  In Bethlehem.
  • …get their money?  From their employers, clients, investments, etc.

I invite any members of the church to amend my responses.  Again, I am happy to answer any questions anyone may have as clearly as I can.

Also, let me know if you think this should become part of a series.  (There are many ridiculous questions that need addressing.)

Want more?  Take a look at Part 2.

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5 thoughts on “Answering Google’s Questions About the Mormons (and Some of Yours Too) Part 1

  1. Priscilla says:

    I think it would be fun to see expanded answers for some of these questions. For example, more of an explanation on dating or members of Church who are CEOs of big companies (which is why so many people think the Church owns Pepsi or Albertsons) or even teachings from our church leaders on the topic of work. These are all such a great/funny questions!

  2. C says:

    I might add “enduring to the end” to 7.3. There’s no “get out of jail free” card in this church.

  3. I just want to clarify…4.3 (Can a Mormon date a Christian). We are Christian, we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ. Its just something that people on the internet tend to overlook (I know that the question is referring to non-LDS Christians), I just wanted to clarify. I like this post, but I agree with Priscilla, maybe some of the answers could be expanded a bit. Overall, really nice post!

  4. […] Part 1 was just too much fun not to do it again!  Just a quick explanation:  I type the beginnings of questions about Mormons into Google, copy them into the post, and answer them!  Shall we begin? […]

  5. […] anyone who hasn’t read Part 1 or Part 2 yet, I use Google’s predictive search tool to find out what people most want to […]

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